Success

“The secret of success is making a vocation your vacation.”

— Mark Twain

Boston in April?

I'm considering attending the National Association for Poetry Therapy (NAPT) annual conference in April in Boston.

"For the past 24 years, NAPT members have forged a community of healers and lovers of words and language. We are psychotherapists, counselors, psychologists, social workers, and psychiatrists. We are poets, journal keepers, storytellers, and songwriters. We are teachers, librarians, adult educators, and university professors. We are doctors, nurses, occupational/ recreational therapists; ministers, pastoral counselors, and spiritual directors. We are artists, dancers, dramatists, musicians, and writers.

We work in many settings where people deal with personal and communal pain and the search for growth. As poetry therapists, we use all forms of literature and the language arts, and we are united by our love of the word, and our passion for enhancing the lives of others and ourselves."

This conference holds more creative possibility than an event strictly devoted to music. I'm especially excited about this event because Ekiwah Belendez is one of the keynote speakers. He is a young Mexican poet prodigy with cerebral palsy. I ADORE his poetry and could write numerous songs out of what I've read thus far. Unfortunately, I've had a problem ordering his books. I would love to meet him in person.

Plus, there is a day trip to Walden Pond before the conference. I mean, how cool is that?!??!

Peace,
~meg

Done!

Woo hoo!

After a 3-day wrestling match with Finale, Wild Swans is done! Two whole days before the KUCS Composition Contest deadline. A new record for me!

I'm experiencing some difficulty acquiring a registration form for the composition contest, but I can definitely breathe easier now that the piece is done. No matter what happens with the contest, this is a great accomplishment for me. I wrote this baby in a week (and spent at least twice as much time on Finale as I spent on composing)!

Tomorrow I get a perfectly timed treat: the St. Olaf Choir is on tour performing in Kansas! I wrote about them in a previous post. I'm going to be a veritable exploding tulip of inspiration after that concert! :)

I'm definitely exhausted from writing this piece, but I've got a stack of new ideas to tackle. I'm pumped!
Thanks to Mary Klayder's suggestion, I'm taking my keyboard home with me and to Colorado. I have a cigarette light adapter for a standard plug-in, and I'm going to see if I can use my keyboard in the car. My mom is going to get a kick out of it! I was so worried that I would spend almost a week without a piano until Mary said "Duh, you can do what you want. Just bring your keyboard."

"Duh, you can do what you want." It's almost as good as "it'll be fine."

Toodles,
Megan

Yes! The tulips on our table exploded today!

Closeup of the exploding tulips.

Recap

Ok, as promised, here is a recap of my activities this week:

On Monday and Wednesday, I took what was a sketched out melody and a rhythm, and fleshed out an entire piece (in rough draft manuscript form). The piece is a choral work based on a poem by Edna St. Vincent Millay entitled Wild Swans. An entirely new work that will fit the requirements of the KUCS competition. Postmark deadline, February 1st.

This weekend, I'm wrestling with Finale (a music notation software program) and taking the music from pencil on staff paper to standard replicable form. Eric Whitacre has ranted many times about the evils of Finale, and more and more, I'm starting to agree with him; however, while Finale tends to sap the soul out of a piece of music (especially since I'm using Notepad!), it forces me to listen even deeper to the nuances of what I hear blaring inside my head and heart and get that down on the page.

I'm really excited for the day I can hire someone to do the engraving (the fancy word for putting music into a computer program and making it pretty).

I've also noticed during this week that I have been less verbally expressive, almost to the point of being un-Megan in my lack of exuberance. There is a huge part of me that is literally out to lunch, and I can't really find it unless I'm working on this piece. Composing is certainly proving to be the emotional rollercoaster I expected: despair, exhilartion, loneliness, oneness, confusion, hope. Often, the more I think/talk about composing, the harder it gets. Perhaps that's why I feel so quiet this week.

This piece also feels like cleaning out the creative plumbing, in a bigger and more expansive way than other times. I have no idea how it will turn out, but that's not my place to judge. I'm putting as much love into it as I can, and so be it.

I'm looking forward to finishing it for the contest, and then going home to be with my family to bask in their warmth and comfort, even if it is to grieve.

'til next time,
~megan

Wisdom

"The only true wisdom is knowing you know nothing."

Socrates

words of encouragement

This is some inspiration from Dr. Elliot McGucken of the Artistic Entrepreneurship and Technology class (see link on sidebar).
~m

You can do anything.

But you have to do something.

Many of you are not quite sure how to take that first step.

That's OK.

But you still have to take it.

For as soon as you take that step, the scenery will change.

You might see that your entrepreneurial vision or dream was an illusion.

That's OK--another dream will replace it--we were born to dream.

You might see a new obstacle.

That's OK--you need to see that obstacle, so you can devise a way around it.

And you might see some obstacle disappear--you might see a brand new path towards your venture. A better path.

Or you might see a higher peak up there--a better dream.

You might see a closer peak--something more easily reached.

But you've got to take that first step.

You're climbing a mountain.

You won't always see the peak as you walk on.

You'll be watching your step.

The devil is in the details.

You'll be staring at computer screens for hours, just trying to get your home page set up right.

You'll be in the studio for days for a three minute song and a three minute video. You'll be exhausted and feel like it just might never happen. You will be reminded of Hamlet's words, "How all occaisons do inform against me."

But there will be moments of brilliance--moments of sunshine and breathtaking scenery--a newfound beauty in the most simple things.

A sunrise after a long night working, or a sunset as you leave to go on home.

Those are the moments you will earn, and they will mean so much more because of all the hard, grueling work.

Think about how good water tastes on those hottest of days.

Hard work brings the world to life--you will find your deeper spirit within it.

There will be clouds and rain.

There will be trees and rocks obstructing the view.

But your dream will stay alive in your heart.

Without it, you will loose your way.

But with it, no obstacle is too big--you will find a way to that far away day.

But you gotta take that first step.

And that next step.

The beautiful view is at the end.

But the beautiful journey--the far greater beauty I have always thought--is always with you, every step of the way, with every ticking second.

Those seconds go by and are gone forever. So take that first step.

Take that next step.

With each passing second.

And keep walking towards something.

And always remember.

We become our dreams.

So dream your dreams 'cause ain't nobody else can do it for you.

And then rock those dreams with each passing second.

gittin' er dun

"Create, artist, do not talk." -Goethe

(Pretty soon I'll post a more robust account of my activities this week...stay tuned.)

Mystery

“Not only is the universe stranger than we imagine, it is stranger than we can imagine.”
Sir Arthur Eddington

Talk little, do much.

Full day of composing. Great progress. Details forthcoming.

~meg

Fortune cookie

I ordered Chinese food, and here was my fortune:

"If I bring forth what is inside me, what I bring forth will save me."

Word.
~m

becoming

"I begin with an idea and then it becomes something else."

~Picasso

New Eric Whitacre CD

Polyphony from the UK is coming out with a CD of Eric Whitacre's newer works that will be released on Valentine's Day. Eric has posted their rendition of "A Boy and a Girl" on his myspace page. It's GORGEOUS.


A Boy and a Girl

Stretched out on the grass,
a boy and a girl,
savoring their oranges,
giving their kisses like waves exchanging foam.

Stretched out on the beach,
a boy and a girl,
savoring their limes,
giving their kisses like clouds exchanging foam.

Stretched out underground,
a boy and a girl,
Saying nothing,
never kissing,
giving silence for silence.

Octavio Paz


I heard this piece performed live by the St. Olaf choir under the direction of the great Anton Armstrong at the ACDA National Convention last February. The performance, at the Walt Disney Concert Hall, was the most sublime experience of my life.

Oh yeah, and I ran and found Eric Whitacre after they finished....he and I chatted for about 15 minutes as we walked through the streets of LA.

Enough said. ;)

~m

P.S. I got a fax number for the Neruda Estate in Spain. Now I get to figure out how/where I can send an international fax? Maybe Kinko's? Woo hoo!

Scattering flowers

This is from the twelfth section of the poem Flare by Mary Oliver (as printed in The Leaf and The Cloud).

Today is a day of drinking poetry and scattering flowers.

~megan



When loneliness comes stalking, go into the fields, consider
the orderliness of the world. Notice
something you have never noticed before,

like the tambourine sound of the snow-cricket
whose pale green body is no longer than your thumb.

Stare hard at the hummingbird, in the summer rain,
shaking the water-sparks from its wings.

Let grief be your sister, she will whether or no.
Rise up from the stump of sorrow, and be green also,
like the diligent leaves.

A lifetime isn't long enough for the beauty of this world
and the responsibilities of your life.

Scatter your flowers over the graves, and walk away.
Be good-natured and untidy in your exuberance.

In the glare of your mind, be modest.
And beholden to what is tactile, and thrilling.

Live with the beetle, and the wind.

This is the dark bread of the poem
This is the dark and nourishing bread of the poem.

Vision

Art is not what you see, but what you make others see.
~Edgar Degas

Decisions, decisions

Today was a productive day.

Not only did I organize all of my sketches (in color-coded folders), I unearthed a gorgeous violin melody that I wrote last spring and more importantly, completed some major revisions to "The beautiful things I have loved." This included revoicing some key parts and changing the final chord.

Aside from notation questions, it feels "ready" to me, and I'm already very happy with where it is. That being said, it's not long enough for the KU Choral Society contest. I refuse to add "filler" to the piece just to make it long enough. So, there are a few options:

1) Submit it as a part of a triptych (meaning I have two weeks to write two more pieces).
2) Write something else entirely
3) ____________________________ (the unknown option)

My gut feeling is to go for option 1.

I'm still struggling with permission and public domain issues. I probably will suck it up and try to contact the literary agency in Spain that has the rights to Neruda's work....because unless I stumble across something that blows me away this weekend, I'm going to want to set something of his.

On another note, I also worked on another idea that is so delicate that it's easy to talk it into nothingness. That is a struggle for me with this blog - it's helpful for me to communicate and chart my progress, but there are always things that need time and silence to grow. I find it easier to do a historical record of what I did in a day or put questions out into the world when I'm stuck than giving too many words to something as ephemeral as a musical gesture, a flicker of emotion.

To curiosity and choices!
~megan

No business with what is little

A discussion between Thea Kronborg and her piano teacher, Mr. Harsanyi, from Willa Cather's "Song of a Lark":


"You will have work enough. But sometimes you will need to be understood; what you never show to any one will need companionship. And then you must come to me." He peered into her face with that searching, intimate glance. "You know what I mean, the thing in you that has no business with what is little, that will have to do only with beauty and power."

Thea threw out her hands fiercely, as if to push him away. She made a sound in her throat, but it was not articulate. Harsanyi took one of her hands and kissed it lightly upon the back. His salute was one of greeting, not of farewell, and it was for someone he had never seen."

p. 183

Wild Geese

You do not have to be good.
You do not have to walk on your knees
for a hundred miles through the desert, repenting.
You only have to let the soft animal of your body love what it loves.
Tell me about despair, yours, and I will tell you mine.
Meanwhile the world goes on.
Meanwhile the sun and the clear pebbles of the rain
are moving across the landscapes,
over the prairies and deep trees,
the mountains and the rivers.
Meanwhile the wild geese, high in the clean blue air
are heading home again.
Whoever you are, no matter how lonely,
the world offers itself to your imagination,
calls to you like the wild geese, harsh and exciting--
over and over announcing your place
in the family of things.

MARY OLIVER
Dream Work

Construction Zone

If opportunity doesn't knock, build a door.

Milton Berle

Tears flow into a river of Strength

I had plans to travel to Colorado this weekend to visit my sister and attend a conducting symposium. As I was making preparations for the trip, I realized that my keys were gone. Poof.

Pretty hard to drive to Colorado with no keys.

I spent today completing the rest of my pre-trip tasks while clinging to a hope that I would actually be able to make the trip happen. I also knew I was shirking responsibilities at work, projects that really need to be finished before I left, but I just wanted to get on the road (I borrowed my roommate's car so I could even get to KC to finish a few things at work).

As I was driving back to Lawrence, I started weeping.

Weeping for the trip that was evaporating before my eyes, for not being able to see my sister, for not being able to see Eric Whitacre, for not being able to do something I felt I needed to do. Weeping to weep. To release.

The weeping continued when I got home. I didn't want to frantically rummage through my house, and I decided to go lie down and maybe something would come to me.

I drifted in and out of sleep for a couple hours (?) and happened to turn over on to my stomach...the keys were under my pillow. Not surprising considering I often throw my coat and keys on my bed, but the karmic toothfairy effect did not escape my attention.

By that time, it was almost 5 PM and I knew I wouldn't be able to drive the 9 hours to Colorado. I also knew that I would spend Friday at the Foundation, finishing what I knew needed attention. Danielle (my sister) and I decided that it wasn't worth it for me to drive up on Saturday, and that we would see each other in a few weeks at Paradise Lost in Chicago. Trip officially cancelled.

This experience feels a lot like about a month ago when I couldn't drive to South Dakota for Mr. Tessier's funeral (bad roads). Even though it wasn't really what I wanted, I felt guided in my exhaustion to where I needed to be. That's why crying can be so wonderful. It's easy to be guided once the tears have broken through the emotional shield. Much easier to be sensitive to the gentle way of Life.

And, much easier to tap the strength to begin again. Tonight I had gentle and quiet evening of organizing my musical ideas. Of revisiting and moving forward.

Since I wanted so much to travel today, this is the perfect quote for my restless spirit:

"People travel to wonder at the height of mountains, at the huge waves of the sea, at the long courses of rivers, at the vast compass of the ocean, at the circular motion of the stars; and they pass by themselves without wondering." -St. Augustine

Let the wondering begin.

~megan

Expansive only in explosions

From Willa Cather's, "Song of a Lark":

Ottenberg was watching her brilliant eyes and her face. She was much
handsomer than she had been early in the evening. Excitement of this
sort enriched her. It was only under such excitement, he reflected,
that she was entirely illuminated, or wholly present. At other times
there was something a little cold and empty, like a big room with no
people in it. Even in her most genial moods there was a shadow of
restlessness, as if she were waiting for something and were exercising
the virtue of patience. During dinner she had been as kind as she knew
how to be, to him and to Archie, and had given them as much of herself
as she could. But, clearly, she knew only one way of being really
kind, from the core of her heart out; and there was but one way in
which she could give herself to people largely and gladly,
spontaneously. Even as a girl she had been at her best in vigorous
effort, he remembered; physical effort, when there was no other kind
at hand. She could be expansive only in explosions. Old Nathanmeyer
had seen it. In ther very first song Fred had ever heard her sing, she
had unconsciously declared it.

p. 373

Flavor of Paradise Lost: Opera Electronica

If you like what you heard of Eric Whitacre's Paradise Lost: Opera Electronica, you might like this (I do!):

http://www.conjureone.net/media/videos/Delerium-Aria.mpg

Comment from Eric Whitacre's myspace page

"you are sex. in a score."


that made me smile. :)


www.myspace.com/ericwhitacre

Vision of the Venture

Before I articulate the vision of this entrepreneurial venture, I'll lay out a brief statement of how I see my role in this huge world. It's something I came up with at a vocational seminar two years ago, and it still holds well:

"I guide and connect people in experiencing and expressing joy, beauty, creativity, and community."

There are many ways to carry out that mission, and I have chosen music composition (or it chose me) as the way to guide and connect people.

Therefore, the vision is as follows....

________________________________________________________________

Exploding Tulip Productions will be the entity primarily responsible for managing complete music catalog of Megan Storm. The music products will include stunningly beautiful and exciting works for choir, symphonic winds, and (if the market still exists) full orchestra. In addition to concert works, Exploding Tulip Productions will own the intellectual property developed in other relationships such as film scores and music developed for the game industry. The company will also manage the arrangements for guest conductor, clinician, and festival appearances at the national and international level for Ms. Storm. As the company reaches financial and artistic maturity, it will manage the creation of a series of theatrical works in the genre of opera electronica.

The specific functions of the company include:
* Providing physical and educational support necessary to maintain optimal production of exquisite music
* Managing production and distribution of physical products (sheet music, CD production) by forming alliances
* Development and maintenance the website and other marketing campaigns
* Managing commissions
* Developing collaborative artistic relationships
* Negotiating arrangements for clinics, lectures, and festival appearances (internationally)
* Managing intellectual property issues
* Collecting the checks ;)

The company will rely heavily on strong alliances and entrepreneurial ingenuity to manage all aspects of the venture.

________________________________________________________________

Wow, sounds like something I want to be a part of. ;)

~m

Artistic Entrepreneurship and Technology

As a part of my work with the Kauffman Foundation, I'm testing a distance learning version of Dr. Elliot McGucken's Artistic Entrepreneurship and Technology course at UNC-Chapel Hill (www.artsentrepreneurship.com). Check out the link! It's great!!

Blogging is a big part of the course, and I will use this blog for that course as well as my composition reports.

It all overlaps and intersects anyway. :)

~m

Exploding Tulip Image!!

I am now in possession of a gorgeous representation of guess what...an exploding tulip!!

The image (actual title "Tulip Fling") is a scanograph created by a Lawrence area artist (Bill Bowerman) and purchased at Fields Gallery. Even better - he will be at the Fields Gallery during the Lawrence Downtown Gallery Walk on January 27th! I hope to meet him to see if he will let me use the image for my website.

YAY!!

~m

Worth the fight

"How much can you know about yourself if you've never been in a fight? I don't wanna die without any scars."

Tyler Durden, Fight Club by Chuck Palahniuk

Here's to quick answers!

In response to my "listening" from the January 1st post...I found out that the KU Choral Society (KUCS) is having their 2nd Annual Choral Composition Contest....first place gets a performance in the spring.

Minor adjustments necessary. Easily do-able by the February 1st deadline.

Wheeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeee!

Here's to FAILING!!

"Creativity is a consequence of sheer productivity. If a creator wants to increase the production of hits, he or she must do it by risking a parallel increase in the production of misses...The most successful creators tend to be those with the most failures!"
- Dean Keith Simonton, researcher, summarizing academic studies on individual creativity

Cheers to a New Year!

Hello all!

Hope you have had a chance to reflect upon and celebrate 2005! I was able to enjoy great solace, comfort, and warmth with family over the break before returning to Lawrence, and I'm really grateful for that time.

Today I sifted through the many beginnings of projects and decided to revisit the piece that has been done (or at least ready for the next step) since I wrote it in 3 days in July. I didn't have much to fix.

The text comes from young poet, Ekiwah Belendez, and is written for SSAATTBB Chorus, a cappella. Here is the text:

The beautiful things I have loved
Like old tired men
Wait for their turn to come back,
To be children again
Passing by unnoticed, naked on the beach


So now what? I'm not entirely sure. I'm listening.

This post is pretty brief because I don't really want to type (or rehash) my whole thought process associated with this piece. There are definitely times to "trust the silences" as Eric Whitacre says. The whole point is...I have brought this piece out of it's "locked drawer" and I'll know where to take it when I need to.

Sweet dreams,
Megan