explodingtulip

On Commitment - from Letters to a Young Artist

2006-12-20T21:49:00.000-08:00

I stumbled upon the lovely book Letters to a Young Artist: Building a Life in Art by Julia Cameron at the Dusty Bookshelf this week. A series of letters to recipient "X," the book has been a soothing, challenging, and much appreciated voice at this juncture in my life.

I would like to share a brief letter with you. Questions of commitment and career have been swirling in my mind of late, and I found this particularly reassuring.

Toodles,
~m

Dear X,

You ask me if your commitment to making art makes you incapable of other commitments. To the contrary. Our commitment to our art trains us in the art of commitment. From it, we learn dailiness. We learn to just show up, setting aside our current mood. We learn to live one day at a time and we learn that each day builds one upon the next. Committed to our art, we learn to keep the drama on the page -- or stage, or easel -- and not place it where it doesn't belong, namely, in our relationship. Our commitment to art teaches us the value of consistency. It teaches us the value of longevity. It teaches us integrity, practicality, generosity. If we are willing to learn, there is very little our commitment to art can't teach us -- and most especially in the realm of commitment. And so, yes, use your commitment to art as a model for your art of commitment. Did I say "Congratulations"? I think you will like "officially" living together.

"If you think too long, you're wrong."

2006-11-23T16:04:00.000-08:00

On again, Eric Whitacre has sent a singing arrow of truth right to my heart. I'm going to take the luxury to quote his whole post on my blog, you can check out the BCM International website and discussion for more gems.

Refreshing.

~m

Hmm...

To quote an old friend of mine, "If you think too long, you're wrong."

I think that if you want to compose, you should start today. Just try it. Write what you know, even if it means writing a one minute piece for solo tuba.

I think it's not at all productive (or reasonable) to think that you need to have training to be a composer. Take a small idea, work and work and work on it, perform it in front of real people, and boom... you're a composer.

Of course you'll make mistakes, and sometimes fall on your face, but THAT IS THE POINT. You will learn so much about composing by just trying to compose.

Once you're in school, you'll learn all kinds of things that will broaden your mind as a composer, and all kinds of things that will just mess you up in the head. School will be good for you, and you should go, even as a comp major if you can get in. But it won't turn you into a composer. It will just give you some ideas to try out.

Remember, it's YOUR LIFE. If you are one of the lucky ones who has found something that you love then it's your sacred duty to pursue it until you don't love it anymore.

And by the way, you talked about "not knowing where to start." THAT is composition. I feel that way every time I write something. Just put something down on paper and start working, and working, and working. Read books, look at other scores, talk to composers, drink coffee, whatever it takes to make something that you like. But don't worry, the worst thing that can happen is that you'll make something that SUCKS, and if that happens, well... welcome to the club! Just keep working on it until it doesn't suck, and then try it again. And again. It's a life of joy and reward, I tell ya .

GOOD LUCK!

e

Legislators of the World

2006-11-21T03:25:00.000-08:00

In our dark times we need poetry more than ever, argues Adrienne Rich

There is an interesting article by poet Adrienne Rich in the Saturday, November 18, 2006, online edition of The Guardian. Entitled "Legislators of the World," Rich discusses poetry's influence in the world -- its limitations and its potential.

In "The Defence of Poetry" 1821, Shelley claimed that "poets are the unacknowledged legislators of the world"....And Shelley was, no mistake, out to change the legislation of his time. For him there was no contradiction between poetry, political philosophy, and active confrontation with illegitimate authority. For him, art bore an integral relationship to the "struggle between Revolution and Oppression". His "West Wind" was the "trumpet of a prophecy", driving "dead thoughts ... like withered leaves, to quicken a new birth".

She concludes that:

There is always that in poetry which will not be grasped, which cannot be described, which survives our ardent attention, our critical theories, our late-night arguments. There is always (I am quoting the poet/translator Américo Ferrari) "an unspeakable where, perhaps, the nucleus of the living relation between the poem and the world resides".

I can see myself hurtling toward that "where" in my own artistic journey in the long term. I find myself holding my breath as I encounter the horrors, tragedy, confusion, and banality of the world, and I anxiously await the day those apprehensions ripen into mature artistic expression. The work of social justice seems so overwhelming to me, but I find that exploring what's "complicated" in art forces a shift in me.

Perhaps in that shift the world moves too.

Blogging Revival: One of the 8 Keys to Success

2006-11-18T17:20:00.000-08:00

Exploding Tulip is revived once more.

Hello everyone,
I have been immersed in my academic pursuits for the last couple months, and I felt like posting again. I came across a very insightful article on The 8 Keys to Success from David Lyman.

"David Lyman is an artist, entrepreneur, adventurer and workshop leader. He founded The Maine Photographic Workshops in 1973, then founded Rockport College in 1996—a conservatory based on the intuitive artist’s path. In a career that spans 50 years, he has sailed oceans (solo); climbed mountains, skied down glaciers, been a radio personality, publisher, magazine writer, photographer, producer and filmmaker, and college president."

I can see myself taking a similarly entrepreneurial approach to education at some point in my life...but that's for a different blog post. :)

Back to the article, one of the points spoke to me in particular: 4. Persistence.

Lyman writes:

It will take 10 years before you can use the craft to hear what your inner artist has to say. I have asked hundreds of accomplished photographers, writers, filmmakers, painters and musicians how long it took before they felt they were speaking from a source within. Ten years has been their unanimous answer.

If it takes ten years, then how to spend the time wisely? It will take, in my estimation, 2 years to acquire 70% of the craft you will need to work in your medium. It will take another 8 years to acquire the next 20% of your craft. At 90%, you will have mastered your craft, but there is that 10% that will take a lifetime to acquire. In the meantime, while working to master your craft (the technical and methods of working in a medium) you will also be learning and acquiring a personal vision, your ability to see, to observe, to create and discover things. This is difficult at first, but the older you get the wiser and more aware, the more perceptive you become. Craft and vision are your tools for inner exploration.

As I sat in my composition professor's office for the first time, I realized that I was just about to start this ten year journey. All the struggling up until that moment had just been to get me into the room. Now the real work begins.

To be even more realistic, my two years of acquiring 70% of my craft might officially begin in the fall. While all I am doing now is nurturing my development, I spend only a precious fraction of my time applying my knowledge and learning my craft. That is true for now. Not forever. Right now, I'm pouring cement. Laying a foundation.

Hope you enjoyed my return to blogging. Comments, yeah?

m

Let Your Life Speak

2006-08-09T10:35:00.000-07:00

Well, so much for consistent posting. :)

Right now, I will leave you with a selection from Parker Palmer's book "Let Your Life Speak." Enjoy.

Toodles,
m

A third shadow common among leaders is "functional atheism," the belief that ultimate responsibility for everything rests with us. This is the unconscious, unexamined conviction that if anything decent is going to happen here, we are the ones who must make it happen...It often eventuates in burnout, depression, and despair, as we learn that the world will not bend to our will and we become embittered about that fact....We learn that we need not carry the whole load but can share it with others, liberating us and empowering them. We learn that sometimes we are free to lay the load down altogether. The great community asks us to do only what we are able and trust the rest to other hands.

A fourth shadow within and among us is fear, especially our fear of the natural chaos of life. Many of us -- parents and teachers and CEOs -- are deeply devoted to eliminating all remnants of chaos from the world. We want to organize and orchestrate things so thoroughly that messiness will never bubble up around us and threaten to overwhelm us (for "messiness" read dissent, innovation, challenge, and change)....The insight we receive on the inner journey is that chaos is the precondition to creativity: as every creation myth has it, life itself emerged from the void. Even what has been created needs to be returned to chaos from time to time so that it can be regenerated in more vital form....

The gift we receive on the inner journey is the knowledge that death finally comes to everything -- and yet death does not have the final word. By allowing something to die when its time is due, we create the conditions under which new life can emerge.

A return to blogging...

2006-07-21T22:17:00.000-07:00

It's been almost two months since I've blogged. A great deal has happened that has both nothing and everything to do with music. Now I'm back to announce the following:

Eric Whitacre's Paradise Lost: Opera Electronica will have a six week run in LA from approximately July 19 - September 2, 2007. You can read more about it on his myspace site.

For all of you who have heard one or more of my effusive descriptions of Whitacre and his works, this is your chance to see what I'm talking about!!!

Ah, it's good to be back. :)
Megan

longevity

2006-05-25T12:49:00.000-07:00

"I have 10 experiences a day that touch my heart. That is my secret for longevity."

Ms Kazue Kato,
the first woman member of the National Diet of Japan,
on her 100th birthday

"I said to my soul..."

2006-05-20T17:42:00.000-07:00

“I said to my soul be still, and wait without hope;
for hope would be hope of the wrong thing; wait without love,
for love would be love of the wrong thing; there is yet fath.
But the faith, and the love, and the hope are all in the waiting.
Wait without thought, for you are not ready for thought:
so the darkness shall be the light, and the stillness the dancing.”

T.S. Eliot, Four Quartets

Hee hee

2006-05-17T13:34:00.000-07:00

Considering I quote more than I post... :)

"The ability to quote is a serviceable substitute for wit."

W. Somerset Maugham

What it means to be a woman

2006-05-17T12:16:00.001-07:00

I came across a website for a local women's group in Lawrence called Martha and Mary's Way. I found the following quote on their website (which is unfortunately out of date).

"Women's stories have not been told. And without stories there is not articulation of experience. Without stories a woman is lost when she comes to make the important decisions of her life. She does not learn to value her struggles, to celebrate her strengths, to comprehend her pain. Without stories she cannot understand herself. Without stories she is alienated from those deeper experiences of self and world that have been called spiritual or religious. She is closed in silence. The expression of women's spiritual quest is integrally related to the telling of women's stories. If women's stories are not told, the depth of women's souls will not be known." -Carol Christ

"Golden" advice

2006-05-17T07:03:00.000-07:00

"The only thing that overcomes hard luck is hard work."

- Harry Golden

Showing up

2006-05-16T07:06:00.000-07:00

On my first day of yoga in about six weeks, a comment my instructor made is still ringing in my head:

"Just keep showing up and the mind will get tired."

That is the best composing advice I've ever heard.

(Now insert your own pithy quote about how yoga is life, one is both the subject and the object of the practice, etc., etc.) ;)

Cheers,
m

Julia Othmer

2006-05-14T11:24:00.000-07:00

On Friday I had the opportunity to see Kansas City native Julia Othmer perform at Bar Natasha in KC.

It was an amazing concert. Sultry vocals and piano by Julia, a cellist, percussion, all in a dark bar. It was hot. I was totally inspired. :)

Right now I'm really resonating with her song Canyons, which you can hear on her myspace site. Her lyrics aren't rated G, but that's what I love about her. ;)

love love,
megan

Non-action

2006-05-14T07:06:00.000-07:00

Below are some quotes about non-action, doing less, etc. As one succeptible to busy-ness for the sake of busy-ness, these quotes help ground me. Try easier. :)

Cheers,
m

"Success is inversely proportionate to hard work... The basis of success is not hard work. The basis of success is doing less."

Fred Gratzon

"In the prace of the Way, every day something is dropped. Less and less do you need to force things until finally you arrive at non-action. When nothing is done, nothing is left undone."
Lao-Tsu

"The reason we put a lot of emphasis on action is because we do not understand the power of our thought. If you analyze it, 90 percent of most people's actions are spent trying to compensate for inappropriate thought!"
Dr. Robert Anthony

Mastery

2006-05-12T17:07:00.000-07:00

"The secret to mastery in any field is to forever be a student."

- Martin Palmer
(writer, speaker, coach)

Great advice

2006-05-10T14:53:00.000-07:00

"One's career is like a pyramid; the height of the pyramid is directly related to the width of its base. Don't be in too much of a hurry to get to the top; concentrate first on building a wide, solid base. "

the miracle of life

2006-05-08T14:48:00.000-07:00

"We will only understand the miracle of life fully when we allow the unexpected to happen."

- Paulo Coelho

"Personality"

2006-05-04T20:05:00.000-07:00

"Personality can open doors, but only character can keep them open."

- Elmer G. Letterman

Remembering to stay hungry and stay foolish.

2006-05-03T07:56:00.000-07:00

The other item I would like to revisit is the commencement address delivered by Steve Jobs to the Stanford Class of 2005. I've posted a few particularly awesome thoughts below. It's worth following the link and reading the whole thing.

Remembering that I'll be dead soon is the most important tool I've ever encountered to help me make the big choices in life. Because almost everything — all external expectations, all pride, all fear of embarrassment or failure - these things just fall away in the face of death, leaving only what is truly important. Remembering that you are going to die is the best way I know to avoid the trap of thinking you have something to lose. You are already naked. There is no reason not to follow your heart.

....

Your time is limited, so don't waste it living someone else's life. Don't be trapped by dogma — which is living with the results of other people's thinking. Don't let the noise of others' opinions drown out your own inner voice. And most important, have the courage to follow your heart and intuition. They somehow already know what you truly want to become. Everything else is secondary.

...

When I was young, there was an amazing publication called The Whole Earth Catalog, which was one of the bibles of my generation. It was created by a fellow named Stewart Brand not far from here in Menlo Park, and he brought it to life with his poetic touch. This was in the late 1960's, before personal computers and desktop publishing, so it was all made with typewriters, scissors, and polaroid cameras. It was sort of like Google in paperback form, 35 years before Google came along: it was idealistic, and overflowing with neat tools and great notions.

Stewart and his team put out several issues of The Whole Earth Catalog, and then when it had run its course, they put out a final issue. It was the mid-1970s, and I was your age. On the back cover of their final issue was a photograph of an early morning country road, the kind you might find yourself hitchhiking on if you were so adventurous. Beneath it were the words: "Stay Hungry. Stay Foolish." It was their farewell message as they signed off. Stay Hungry. Stay Foolish. And I have always wished that for myself. And now, as you graduate to begin anew, I wish that for you.

Stay Hungry. Stay Foolish.

That's what I wish for all of you: Stay Hungry. Stay Foolish. :)

Cheers,
Megan

Respect for Mystery

2006-05-03T07:48:00.000-07:00

I felt like re-posting some things that deeply affected me this year and still move me. The follwing selection is from Warrior of Light, a www.paulocoelho.br publication. The paragraph in bold is my emphasis.

Respect for mystery

The Greeks were great masters at describing human behavior through small stories that we usually call myths. All the generations that came after them, from Freud’s psychoanalysis (with the Oedipus complex, for example) to the films of Hollywood (like Morpheus in “Matrix”) ended up drinking from this source. For a good part of my life, one of those stories left me very intrigued: the myth of Psyche.

Once upon a time ... a beautiful princess was admired by all but nobody dared to ask for her hand in marriage. In despair, the king consulted the god Apollo, who told him that Psyche should be left alone, dressed in mourning, on top of a mountain. Before day broke a serpent would come to meet and marry her. The king obeyed, and all night the princess waited, in terror and dying of cold, for her husband to appear.

She finally fell asleep. When she awoke she was in a beautiful palace, transformed into a queen. Every night her husband came to her and they made love, but he had imposed a sole condition: Psyche could have all she desired but she had to show utter trust and could never see his face.
The young woman lived happily for a long time; she had comfort, affection, happiness, she was in love with the man who came to her every night. However, now and again she was afraid she was married to a horrid serpent. Early one morning, while her husband was sleeping, she shone a lamp on the bed, and saw lying there by her side Eros (or Cupid), a man of exceptional beauty. The light woke him up; he discovered that the woman he loved was incapable of respecting his only desire, and disappeared.

Whenever I read this text, I used to wonder: can we never discover the face of love?

I had to live for many years before I realized that love is an act of faith in another person, and its face should continue to be wrapped in mystery. It should be lived and relished at each and every minute, but whenever we try to understand it, the magic vanishes.

When I accepted this I also began to let my life be guided by a strange language that I call “signs”. I know that the world is talking to me, I need to listen to it, and if I do so I shall always be guided towards what is most intense, passionate and beautiful. Of course, it is not easy and at times I feel like Psyche at the cliff, cold and terrified, but if I can pass through that night and deliver myself to the mystery and faith in life, I will always end up waking in a palace. All I need is to trust in Love, even though I run the risk of making a mistake.

To conclude the Greek myth: desperate to have her love back, Psyche submits to a series of tasks imposed by Aphrodite (or Venus), the mother of Cupid (or Eros), who is envious of her beauty. One of the tasks is to deliver some of her beauty to Aphrodite. Psyche grows curious about the box that was supposed to contain the Goddess’ beauty and once again is unable to cope with the Mystery, so she decides to open it. Inside she finds not beauty but rather an infernal sleep that leaves her inert and immobile.

Eros/Cupid is also in love, regretful for not having been more tolerant towards his wife. He manages to enter the castle and wake her from her deep sleep with the point of his arrow and once again tells her: “You almost died on account of your curiosity.” That is the great contradiction, Psyche sought for security in knowledge and found only insecurity.

The two of them go to Jupiter, the supreme god, and implore that their union will never be undone. Jupiter passionately pleads the cause of the lovers and succeeds in gaining the support of Venus. From that day onwards, Psyche (the essence of the human being) and Eros (love) are always together. Whoever does not accept this and tries to find an explanation for magical and mysterious human relations will miss the best part of life.

Ways of seeing (or thinking)

2006-05-02T11:39:00.000-07:00

"I am not a businessman—I am an artist." –Warren Buffett

"Do or do not. There is no try." - someone

Artist-Entrepreneur-Teacher

2006-05-02T11:34:00.000-07:00

"Every artist is an entrepreneur. Every entrepreneur is an artist. And all artists and entrepreneurs are teachers."

- Dr. Elliot McGucken, UNC-Chapel Hill

Read more from the last class lecture for Elliot McGucken's Artistic Entrepreneurship and Technology course at UNC-Chapel Hill.

Inspiring.

Art and democracy

2006-04-27T21:28:00.000-07:00

I spent some time this evening at Border's brushing up on PHP, SQL and other assorted web goodies. Once I finished, I made a bee-line to the poetry section and (randomly) picked up a wonderful collection of essays by Adrienne Rich called Arts of the Possible.

"Art is our human birthright, our most powerful means of access to our own and another's experience and imaginative life. In continually rediscovering and recovering the humanity of human beings, art is crucial to the democratic vision. A government tending further and further away from the search for democracy will see less and less "use" in encouraging artists, will see art as obscenity or hoax."

p.103

I am certainly in the process of recovering my humanity... I hope everyone is as lucky as I am.

Cheers all,
Megan

Weight

2006-04-26T07:32:00.000-07:00

Give me silence, water, hope.
Give me struggle, iron, volcanoes.
Fasten your bodies to me like magnets.
Hasten to my veins to my mouth.
Speak through my words and my blood.

Neruda

Play that tune

2006-04-25T16:54:00.000-07:00

I have been alternating composing with a fun exercise - learn to play the piano part of a pop-ish song from a recording.

My choice has been "The Flowers" by Regina Spektor. It's pretty fun. Intricate enough to be challenging and still easy enough for me to get the gist in a couple days.

I know there are some people who have the gift of picking up a tune off a recording in one or two tries. I am definitely NOT one of those people (yet, hee hee), but it's been pretty fun. The beginning was frustrating because I couldn't figure out what she was doing (which now seems silly that I've got it down).

I don't know if I'll keep doing this. We'll see if I am inspired once more (suggestions welcome :) ).

Peace,
meg-a-leg

At the mercy

2006-04-24T13:41:00.000-07:00

This is a quote from Eric Whitacre from the BCM International Discussion Board on the topic of compositional process:

Eric: The truth is that it is profoundly different with every piece. Sometimes I memorize the text; sometimes I don't. Sometimes I start with a musical idea; sometimes with the text. Sometimes I randomly orchestrate ideas, throw them away, and start sketching structure; sometimes not. When I say its not 'efficient', it's because it takes a long time for me to become a COMPOSER again, every single time I do it. I really feel, every time, that I have no idea what I am doing.

I don't know if anyone else has this experience, but I sure know that whatever I am doing doesn't FEEL like a process. That's why my advice is always to just write, and keep writing, until you figure it out. Then do it again.

Later in the thread, he mentioned a snippet of an interview that deals with this topic. If you want to hear it in his voice (a great voice, I might add) check it out here. One of my favorite parts is when he says, "I feel at the mercy of what it is I'm trying to make."

I'm definitely "at the mercy" right now...

Cheers all!
Megan

Three month recap

2006-04-19T21:09:00.000-07:00

Here's a recap of last three months of my experimental semester:

January 22 - mid-February: 3 short choral pieces written (Wild Swans, Sea Violet, so comes love). Explosion of creativity. Great momentum.

Mid-February - mid March: Organized conference efforts for Kauffman. One in St. Louis and the other in Austin. Work demands more time and energy. Pulls me away from composing. Very frustrated.

Composed "whatever a moon" for a church choir. Denied a performance. Disappointment. The emotion and musical ideas will show up in another place, but for now, "whatever a moon" is safely hidden away.

Late March: Spring Break trip to Ghost Ranch!! Time to reconnect to myself and others. Relaxing and embracing my humanity ("Your humanity is your pathway to your artistry." No ice queens need apply).

Early April: I decide to throw myself into a wind ensemble piece for the Tokyo Kosei Wind Orchestra competition. More like throwing myself into a brick wall. Total struggle. Played with some ideas but nothing really materialized. Decided to abandon the piece when I knew it wouldn't make the deadline to refocus on my bread and butter - choral music. I feel lighter already.

Looking at it from this perspective, I have had a successful quarter. I definitely can crank things up a notch though. We'll see what happens in the second quarter of my grand experiment...:)

Cheers!
Megan

advice from will

2006-04-12T09:34:00.000-07:00

"Love all, trust a few, do wrong to none."

~Shakespeare

Hallelujah!

2006-04-11T20:17:00.000-07:00

From Eric Whitacre:

For me, I believe that art should be transportive, cathartic, and ultimately redemptive. I don't believe that is possible in a world of strict serial music.

MDS: AMEN!!!!!

And I believe that music is not intended to be 'understood'. It is meant to be felt. I believe that you don't have to know anything about Beethoven, or classical music, or German, and you can still hear Beethoven's Ninth and walk away feeling like a better human being. Learning about it makes YOUR EXPERIENCE better, but it doesn't make the music better.

MDS: Great points.

What will you do with your one wild and precious life? (Mary Oliver)

2006-04-09T10:20:00.000-07:00

From Robert Fritz:

True, for the first ten or twelve years, children are asked, "What do you want to be when you grow up?" But the children's answers are usually discounted unless they happen to follow in the footsteps of one of their parents. Similarly, people often ask adolescents, "What do you want to do when you get out of school?"

Usually, even though that question is asked, the young people have had no educational experience of the creative process. From their vantage point, the game of life appears to involve choosing from among uninteresting alternative proposed by adults.

In the educational system, aptitude is often substituted for vision. For many people, their doing well on certain aptitude tests in secondary school was a great tragedy, because traditional guidance counseling helps students find out what they might be good at and helps them design careers around their aptitude.

Many people have mindlessly followed advice coming out of that mentality and become physicians, lawyers, engineers, accountants, nurses, and chemists, only to discover to their dismay, twenty or thirty years later, that they never really cared about what may now be the only field or profession they know. A major part of their life was spent developing what they happened to have an aptitude for at age fifteen.

let it take you

2006-04-09T10:16:00.000-07:00

"You have to know what you want to get. But when you know that, let it take you. And if it seems to take you off the track, don't hold back, because perhaps that is instinctively where you want to be. And if you hold back and try to be always where you have been before, you will go dry. "

Gertrude Stein

letting it run

2006-04-09T09:56:00.000-07:00

Author John Hyde Preston once asked Gertrude Stein,

But what if, when you tried to write, you felt
stopped, suffocated, and no words came and if
they came at all they were wooden and without
meaning? What if you had the feeling you could
never write another word?

Gertrude Stein replied, laughing,

Preston the way to resume is to resume. It is the
only way. To resume. If you feel this book deeply
it will come as deep as your feeling is when it is
running truest, and the book will never be truer
or deeper than your feeling. But you do not yet
know anything about your feeling because,
though you may think it is all there, all crystal-
ized, you have not let it run. So how can you
know what it will be? What will be best in it is
what you really do not know now. If you knew it
all it would not be creation but dictation.

Patience on the learning curve

2006-04-05T10:08:00.000-07:00

"Composers must put in the time."
~ Frank Ticheli

"This long 'refining' period for me is an extraordinarily painful process. I find myself feeling the highest highs and the lowest lows, and at times it keeps me up all night...My experience has been that in order to develop an idea and bring a new creation into the world, you must go through a certain learning curve. I don't believe that you can be taught this curve, but you must suffer through and find it on your own. And the only way this can happen is by spending hours and hours and hours searching for the answer."
~ Eric Whitacre

One more step, on a very long journey....

~m

Ambiguity and entrepreneurship education

2006-03-27T09:58:00.000-08:00

The quote below comes from Desiree Vargas on the Kauffman Campuses blog. The post deals with ambiguity and entrepreneurship education. I think she's dead on and the second paragraph (specific to artists) really resonates with me.
Cheers,
Megan

"Maybe one of the reasons that engineering students and art students have been so quick to adopt entrepreneurship is that its ambiguity falls within their academic comfort zones. An engineer or scientist is asked to solve problems. The problem itself can be ambiguous, and the student goes into the investigation knowing that there may be many solutions. Some are simply better than others.

For an artist there is no solution. There is only feedback. They enter every performance, show, exhibit with complete uncertainty about how their audience will react. They also have very little to work with in terms of strategy. Professors teach techniques that help students master their craft, but ultimately the creation of the artwork comes from the artist's creativity, mettle, and willingness to push new boundaries."

a means by which

2006-03-16T09:44:00.000-08:00

"When I used to read biographies of writers, I always thought that when they said: 'The book writes itself, the writer is just the typist', they were simply trying to make their profession seem more interesting. I know now that this is absolutely true, no one knows why the current took them to that particular island and not to the one they wanted to reach. Then the obsessive re-drafting and editing begins, and when I can no longer bear to re-read the same words one more time, I sent it to my publisher, where it is edited again, and then published.

And it is a constant source of surprise to me to discover that other people were also in search of that very island and that they find it in my book. One person tells another person about it, the mysterious chain grows, and what the writer thought of as a solitary exercise becomes a bridge, a boat, a means by which souls can travel and communicate.

From then on, I am no longer the man lost in the storm: I find myself through my readers, I understand what I wrote when I see that others understand it too, but never before. On a few rare occasions, like the one that is about to take place, I manage to look those people in the eye and then I understand that my soul is not alone.

~Paulo Coelho

Four simple steps

2006-03-03T22:12:00.000-08:00

Wow. I haven't posted for awhile. I've had a lot of encouraging educational discussions and experiences in the last couple weeks, some disappointments, and much of my energy has been dedicated to setting up a meeting at the SXSW (South by Southwest) Interactive Festival on March 13th.

Here is a post about the educational process from Eric Whitacre on the BCM International discussion board:

Theory didn't (doesn't) help me at all...

When I first started writing (and still today, I guess) the biggest obstacle I faced was learning how to notate. Just getting your head around basic notation ideas can take a while (I'm talking the basics here: notes, rhythms, etc.).

I just started trying it. I made a lot of NOTATIONAL mistakes at first (I still do) but don't worry about the theory, or how much you know. Ultimately, it's just one more excuse for composers to use to justify why they never finish anything.

1) Start writing.
2) Get real humans to play it.
3) Correct things you didn't like after you heard it.
4) Repeat.

That has been my sole technique, and it has worked well for me.

e

MDS: I agree that the notation part has been the biggest part of the learning curve for me. Not only learning the conventions, but really figuring out how the musical gesture I'm feeling fits rhythmically, what meter to use, etc. Right now I'm in the process of smoothing out the fourth piece, "whatever the moon" (based on another e.e. cummings poem). I've found that pretending I'm conducting makes me aware of expression and nuance that I can put down on the page. I also have a better sense of where I hold a note a little longer or add an extra rest.

"whatever the moon" also almost had a performance (I wrote it for a particular choir), but that fell through. Definitely a painful experience, but now I have one more piece out of it.

toodles,
~m

Too funny

2006-02-20T13:07:00.000-08:00

If you're curious about my magical hometown of Yankton, SD, you'll enjoy this list of "Great and Successful People" who call Yankton home!

Dios mio....

John Williams

2006-02-18T20:05:00.000-08:00

Here is a great video interview with composer John Williams (film composer for Star Wars, Indiana Jones, ET, Superman, Schindler's List, Saving Private Ryan, first 3 Harry Potters, SO many more - basically one of the most famous film composers of all time).

It would be such a beautiful and magical gift to have creative partnership with a director like Spielberg and musicians such as Yo-Yo Ma and Itzhak Perlman (from the Memoirs of a Geisha score).

So beautiful.

Enjoy!
~m

Sound and Spirit - NPR

2006-02-18T18:31:00.000-08:00

I LOVE this program, and I thought you might too!
~m

From the Sound and Spirit website:

"...the best program on public radio, bar none!..."
--Bill Moyers

What is Sound & Spirit?

Sound & Spirit is a weekly series of hour-long radio programs exploring the human spirit through music and ideas. Ellen Kushner hosts the show. It is produced by WGBH Radio Boston and distributed by Public Radio International.

Sound & Spirit weaves history, myth, and spiritual traditions together with music to take listeners on a journey around the world and through the ages. With subjects ranging from pilgrimage to family relationships, Shakers to Buddhists, and births to funerals, there is always something new to explore. "As long as there are human topics, there will be topics for our shows," says Ellen Kushner. "People from every culture and every generation have always marked their life experiences with rituals, stories and music."

You can listen to this week's program about Africa, and see a list of previous programs.

Week of February 19, 2006
Out of Africa: The Spirit of Mbira
A land of many sounds and cultures, Africa is the cradle of some of the world's most spirited and spiritual music. Beginning with the complex sound and meaning of the mbira ("thumb piano"), Ellen Kushner engages in a fascinating dialogue with Zimbabwean mbira player and religious leader Stella Chiweshe about her life, music and beliefs... We'll also hear from contemporary non-Africans whose music has been influenced by mbira, including the Los Angeles Guitar Quartet, Steve Tibbetts, and the Kronos Quartet

Addendum:
In describing one of the female mbira players, Ellen Kushner says, "she is simultaneously an emotional traditionalist and a breaker of rules."

Sound familiar? Hee hee.
~m

Oh the irony...

2006-02-17T17:37:00.000-08:00

Hey all!

I'm in St. Louis at the AAAS (American Association for the Advancement of Science) Annual Meeting until Monday.

I brought my keyboard along so I can keep composing. :)

Here's the quote from a Starbucks cup that gave me a surge of joy this afternoon while I was sitting in a presentation:

The Way I See It #76
The irony of commitment is that
it's deeply liberating - in work, in
play, in love. The act frees you
from the tyranny of your internal
critic, from the fear that likes to
dress itself up and parade around
as rational hesitation. To commit is
to remove your head as the barrier
to your life

--Anne Morriss
Starbucks customer from NYC. Self-described as an
"organization buiilding, restless American citizen,
optmist."

To being free!
~m

The Third Composition, Part II

2006-02-16T11:50:00.000-08:00

Here's a link to the poem I set for the third composition. I'm using the title "so comes love."

Listen to it on myspace.

~m

Meet Oscar!

2006-02-15T17:30:00.000-08:00

This is Oscar, my new composing buddy (courtesy of my sisters). Thanks chicas!!! :-D

~m

Third composition

2006-02-15T14:17:00.000-08:00

Well, I've finished the third composition. It's based on a poem by e. e. cummings. I might write more about it later.

You can listen to the Finale version on myspace.

~m

Eric Whitacre update

2006-02-15T11:32:00.000-08:00

Hey everyone!

Two friends and I travelled to Northwestern University to see the concert version of Paradise Lost: Opera Electronica by Eric Whitacre. It was sponsored by Northwestern's innovative American Musical Theatre Project, and you can read a full press release here.

It was unbelievable. As my friends can attest, I was flying high. I cannot wait until it makes it to Broadway!!

Eric also has had great success with his new album of choral works performed by the UK choir Polyphony entitled Cloudburst, which was released on Valentine's Day. The London Times review gave it five out of five stars calling it "extraordinarily beautiful."

I should receive my copy of the CD in a few days. :)

Ciao,
meg-a-leg

Rounding out the substance of the soul

2006-02-15T11:22:00.000-08:00

Here begins my flurry of posts after a brief absence...

I stopped in the hall last week to copy this quote from Professor Scott Murphy's door.

"Every normal man - that is, every uncivilized or civilized human being not of defective mentality, moral sense, etc. - has, in some degree, creative insight (an unpopular statement) and an interest, desire, and ability to express it (another unpopular statement). There are many, too many, who think they have none of it, and stop with the thought or before the thought. There are a few who think (and encourage others to think) that they and they only have this insight, interest, etc...and that (as a kind of collateral security) they and they only know how to give true expression to it. But in every human soul there is a ray of celestial beauty (Plotinus admits that), and a spark of genius (nobody admits that).

If this is so, and if one of the greatest sources of strength - one of the greatest joys and deepest pleasures of men - is giving rein to it in some way, why should not everyone instead of a few, be encouraged, and feel justified in encouraging everyone including himself to make this a part of everyone's life and his life - a value that will supplement the other values and help round out the substance of the soul?"

(I think the quote was by Charles Ives, but I couldn't tell from the paper on Murphy's door.)

I LOVE this quote! Now let's all live it!

~meg

It's alive!

2006-02-10T13:21:00.000-08:00

Well, sorta. :)

Go on over to my myspace page to listen to Finale versions of my first two compositions. Make sure and read the myspace blog post about what a Finale version really is and what it isn't. Oh yeah, I finished a second composition. It's called Sea Violet, and it's based on poem by H.D..

Enjoy!
Megs

Some soul from Saul

2006-02-07T20:59:00.000-08:00

Tonight I had the honor of listening to a live poetry reading and Q&A by Saul Williams. His words are arrows straight from his heart to yours that explode upon impact.

Here is an excerpt from a book of his poetry called , said the shotgun to the head:

where is that voice from nowhere
to remind us
that the holy ground
we walk on
purified by native blood
has rooted trees
whose fallen leaves
now color code
a sacred list of demands?

Here's another passage I liked:

tithes and offerings
made to the father
have kept buddha laughing
he knows that dharmic needs
are karmic deeds undone

a love supreme
summoned from dreams
fuses now
with the hereafter
as spirit to flesh
is melded by the sun

, said the shotgun... opens with a quote by Paul Robeson saying:

The man who accepts Western values absolutely, finds his creative faculties becoming so warped and stunted that he is almost completely dependent on external satisfactions, and the moment he becomes frustrated in his search for these, he begins to develop neurotic symptoms, to feel that life is not worth living, and, in chronic cases, to take his own life.

Saul then begins by saying, "Have you ever been kissed by God?...Here is a simpler question: Have you ever lost yourself in a kiss? I mean pure psychedelic inebriation. Not just lustful petting but transcendental metamorphosis when you became aware that the greatness of this being was breathing into you. Licking the sides and corners of your mouth, like sealing a thousand fleshy envelopes filled with the essence of your passionate being and then opened by the same mouth and delivered back to you, over and over again - the first kiss of the rest of your life. A kiss that confirms that the universe is aligned, that the world's greatest resource is love, and maybe even that God is a woman...This book is the result of a kiss..."

I'll leave you with one more passage.
Good night and sweetest of dreams,
~meg

i am forced
to disassemble
my being
to fit into your monitor

i hand you my spirit
as i walk through
customs

i am to be reassembled
after that final check point

sorcery of self:
a phrase i coined
and now surrender to you

it's as if i've swallowed
an interior decorator

i like my heart where it is

i cannot make
your past disappear

only rabbits, my love,
only rabbits

depleted memory banks
have grounded our emotional economy

we have been forced
to create a new currency

one that will truly allow us
to love our neighbors
for reasons beyond guilt and pity

i have offered myself
to the inkwell of the wordsmith
that i might be shaped
into new terms of being

The secret

2006-02-07T07:25:00.000-08:00

"Let me tell you the secret that has led me to my goal. My strength lies solely in my tenacity."

Louis Pasteur
French microbiologist and chemist
(1822-1895)

Enter so swiftly into the work

2006-02-06T22:05:00.000-08:00

"The painter (any artist whatever) should not become conscious of his insights - without taking the way round through his mental processes, his advances, enigmatic even to himself, must enter so swiftly into the work that he is unable to recognize them at the moment of their transition. For him, alas, who watches for them, observes, delays them, for him they change like the fine gold in the fairy tale which can no longer remain gold because some detail went wrong."
~Rainer Maria Rilke

Never fear, I have been entering swiftly into the work. I will resurface and report when the work is done. :)

Toodles,
~m

Enlarging the sphere of freedom

2006-02-06T13:46:00.000-08:00

I went to Borders and came across these quotes in a book of paintings by Wolf Kann. Enjoy!
~m

"The practice of art should have an effect not only on the public, but even more importantly, on the artist himself, by enlarging his sphere of freedom. Once this is understood and becomes a profound part of artistic practice, the problem of being a mere manufacturer of expensive objects disappears; pictures are justifiable because they are steps in their maker's artistic development. Each picture is valuable only insofar as it contributes to this development, because it enables the artist to go on in a freer, larger way to his next picture."

"While one is working, it is helpful not to be all that smart."

Trust

2006-02-01T14:55:00.000-08:00

"The work will tell you what to do."

Estonian proverb

all the help I can get :)

2006-02-01T12:31:00.000-08:00

I not only use all the brains that I have, but all that I can borrow.
Woodrow Wilson

Success

2006-01-31T12:07:00.000-08:00

“The secret of success is making a vocation your vacation.”

— Mark Twain

Boston in April?

2006-01-30T21:35:00.000-08:00

I'm considering attending the National Association for Poetry Therapy (NAPT) annual conference in April in Boston.

"For the past 24 years, NAPT members have forged a community of healers and lovers of words and language. We are psychotherapists, counselors, psychologists, social workers, and psychiatrists. We are poets, journal keepers, storytellers, and songwriters. We are teachers, librarians, adult educators, and university professors. We are doctors, nurses, occupational/ recreational therapists; ministers, pastoral counselors, and spiritual directors. We are artists, dancers, dramatists, musicians, and writers.

We work in many settings where people deal with personal and communal pain and the search for growth. As poetry therapists, we use all forms of literature and the language arts, and we are united by our love of the word, and our passion for enhancing the lives of others and ourselves."

This conference holds more creative possibility than an event strictly devoted to music. I'm especially excited about this event because Ekiwah Belendez is one of the keynote speakers. He is a young Mexican poet prodigy with cerebral palsy. I ADORE his poetry and could write numerous songs out of what I've read thus far. Unfortunately, I've had a problem ordering his books. I would love to meet him in person.

Plus, there is a day trip to Walden Pond before the conference. I mean, how cool is that?!??!

Peace,
~meg

Done!

2006-01-30T18:23:00.000-08:00

Woo hoo!

After a 3-day wrestling match with Finale, Wild Swans is done! Two whole days before the KUCS Composition Contest deadline. A new record for me!

I'm experiencing some difficulty acquiring a registration form for the composition contest, but I can definitely breathe easier now that the piece is done. No matter what happens with the contest, this is a great accomplishment for me. I wrote this baby in a week (and spent at least twice as much time on Finale as I spent on composing)!

Tomorrow I get a perfectly timed treat: the St. Olaf Choir is on tour performing in Kansas! I wrote about them in a previous post. I'm going to be a veritable exploding tulip of inspiration after that concert! :)

I'm definitely exhausted from writing this piece, but I've got a stack of new ideas to tackle. I'm pumped!
Thanks to Mary Klayder's suggestion, I'm taking my keyboard home with me and to Colorado. I have a cigarette light adapter for a standard plug-in, and I'm going to see if I can use my keyboard in the car. My mom is going to get a kick out of it! I was so worried that I would spend almost a week without a piano until Mary said "Duh, you can do what you want. Just bring your keyboard."

"Duh, you can do what you want." It's almost as good as "it'll be fine."

Toodles,
Megan

2006-01-29T11:38:00.000-08:00

Yes! The tulips on our table exploded today!

2006-01-29T11:12:00.000-08:00

Closeup of the exploding tulips.

Recap

2006-01-28T07:44:00.000-08:00

Ok, as promised, here is a recap of my activities this week:

On Monday and Wednesday, I took what was a sketched out melody and a rhythm, and fleshed out an entire piece (in rough draft manuscript form). The piece is a choral work based on a poem by Edna St. Vincent Millay entitled Wild Swans. An entirely new work that will fit the requirements of the KUCS competition. Postmark deadline, February 1st.

This weekend, I'm wrestling with Finale (a music notation software program) and taking the music from pencil on staff paper to standard replicable form. Eric Whitacre has ranted many times about the evils of Finale, and more and more, I'm starting to agree with him; however, while Finale tends to sap the soul out of a piece of music (especially since I'm using Notepad!), it forces me to listen even deeper to the nuances of what I hear blaring inside my head and heart and get that down on the page.

I'm really excited for the day I can hire someone to do the engraving (the fancy word for putting music into a computer program and making it pretty).

I've also noticed during this week that I have been less verbally expressive, almost to the point of being un-Megan in my lack of exuberance. There is a huge part of me that is literally out to lunch, and I can't really find it unless I'm working on this piece. Composing is certainly proving to be the emotional rollercoaster I expected: despair, exhilartion, loneliness, oneness, confusion, hope. Often, the more I think/talk about composing, the harder it gets. Perhaps that's why I feel so quiet this week.

This piece also feels like cleaning out the creative plumbing, in a bigger and more expansive way than other times. I have no idea how it will turn out, but that's not my place to judge. I'm putting as much love into it as I can, and so be it.

I'm looking forward to finishing it for the contest, and then going home to be with my family to bask in their warmth and comfort, even if it is to grieve.

'til next time,
~megan

Wisdom

2006-01-27T12:24:00.000-08:00

"The only true wisdom is knowing you know nothing."

Socrates

words of encouragement

2006-01-27T08:58:00.000-08:00

This is some inspiration from Dr. Elliot McGucken of the Artistic Entrepreneurship and Technology class (see link on sidebar).
~m

You can do anything.

But you have to do something.

Many of you are not quite sure how to take that first step.

That's OK.

But you still have to take it.

For as soon as you take that step, the scenery will change.

You might see that your entrepreneurial vision or dream was an illusion.

That's OK--another dream will replace it--we were born to dream.

You might see a new obstacle.

That's OK--you need to see that obstacle, so you can devise a way around it.

And you might see some obstacle disappear--you might see a brand new path towards your venture. A better path.

Or you might see a higher peak up there--a better dream.

You might see a closer peak--something more easily reached.

But you've got to take that first step.

You're climbing a mountain.

You won't always see the peak as you walk on.

You'll be watching your step.

The devil is in the details.

You'll be staring at computer screens for hours, just trying to get your home page set up right.

You'll be in the studio for days for a three minute song and a three minute video. You'll be exhausted and feel like it just might never happen. You will be reminded of Hamlet's words, "How all occaisons do inform against me."

But there will be moments of brilliance--moments of sunshine and breathtaking scenery--a newfound beauty in the most simple things.

A sunrise after a long night working, or a sunset as you leave to go on home.

Those are the moments you will earn, and they will mean so much more because of all the hard, grueling work.

Think about how good water tastes on those hottest of days.

Hard work brings the world to life--you will find your deeper spirit within it.

There will be clouds and rain.

There will be trees and rocks obstructing the view.

But your dream will stay alive in your heart.

Without it, you will loose your way.

But with it, no obstacle is too big--you will find a way to that far away day.

But you gotta take that first step.

And that next step.

The beautiful view is at the end.

But the beautiful journey--the far greater beauty I have always thought--is always with you, every step of the way, with every ticking second.

Those seconds go by and are gone forever. So take that first step.

Take that next step.

With each passing second.

And keep walking towards something.

And always remember.

We become our dreams.

So dream your dreams 'cause ain't nobody else can do it for you.

And then rock those dreams with each passing second.

gittin' er dun

2006-01-26T07:01:00.000-08:00

"Create, artist, do not talk." -Goethe

(Pretty soon I'll post a more robust account of my activities this week...stay tuned.)

Mystery

2006-01-24T08:13:00.000-08:00

“Not only is the universe stranger than we imagine, it is stranger than we can imagine.”
Sir Arthur Eddington

Talk little, do much.

2006-01-23T19:16:00.000-08:00

Full day of composing. Great progress. Details forthcoming.

~meg

Fortune cookie

2006-01-19T20:23:00.000-08:00

I ordered Chinese food, and here was my fortune:

"If I bring forth what is inside me, what I bring forth will save me."

Word.
~m

becoming

2006-01-19T12:18:00.000-08:00

"I begin with an idea and then it becomes something else."

~Picasso

New Eric Whitacre CD

2006-01-16T18:11:00.000-08:00

Polyphony from the UK is coming out with a CD of Eric Whitacre's newer works that will be released on Valentine's Day. Eric has posted their rendition of "A Boy and a Girl" on his myspace page. It's GORGEOUS.

A Boy and a Girl

Stretched out on the grass,
a boy and a girl,
savoring their oranges,
giving their kisses like waves exchanging foam.

Stretched out on the beach,
a boy and a girl,
savoring their limes,
giving their kisses like clouds exchanging foam.

Stretched out underground,
a boy and a girl,
Saying nothing,
never kissing,
giving silence for silence.

Octavio Paz

I heard this piece performed live by the St. Olaf choir under the direction of the great Anton Armstrong at the ACDA National Convention last February. The performance, at the Walt Disney Concert Hall, was the most sublime experience of my life.

Oh yeah, and I ran and found Eric Whitacre after they finished....he and I chatted for about 15 minutes as we walked through the streets of LA.

Enough said. ;)

~m

P.S. I got a fax number for the Neruda Estate in Spain. Now I get to figure out how/where I can send an international fax? Maybe Kinko's? Woo hoo!

Scattering flowers

2006-01-15T13:41:00.000-08:00

This is from the twelfth section of the poem Flare by Mary Oliver (as printed in The Leaf and The Cloud).

Today is a day of drinking poetry and scattering flowers.

~megan

When loneliness comes stalking, go into the fields, consider
the orderliness of the world. Notice
something you have never noticed before,

like the tambourine sound of the snow-cricket
whose pale green body is no longer than your thumb.

Stare hard at the hummingbird, in the summer rain,
shaking the water-sparks from its wings.

Let grief be your sister, she will whether or no.
Rise up from the stump of sorrow, and be green also,
like the diligent leaves.

A lifetime isn't long enough for the beauty of this world
and the responsibilities of your life.

Scatter your flowers over the graves, and walk away.
Be good-natured and untidy in your exuberance.

In the glare of your mind, be modest.
And beholden to what is tactile, and thrilling.

Live with the beetle, and the wind.

This is the dark bread of the poem
This is the dark and nourishing bread of the poem.

Vision

2006-01-14T21:28:00.000-08:00

Art is not what you see, but what you make others see.
~Edgar Degas

Decisions, decisions

2006-01-14T20:02:00.000-08:00

Today was a productive day.

Not only did I organize all of my sketches (in color-coded folders), I unearthed a gorgeous violin melody that I wrote last spring and more importantly, completed some major revisions to "The beautiful things I have loved." This included revoicing some key parts and changing the final chord.

Aside from notation questions, it feels "ready" to me, and I'm already very happy with where it is. That being said, it's not long enough for the KU Choral Society contest. I refuse to add "filler" to the piece just to make it long enough. So, there are a few options:

1) Submit it as a part of a triptych (meaning I have two weeks to write two more pieces).
2) Write something else entirely
3) ____________________________ (the unknown option)

My gut feeling is to go for option 1.

I'm still struggling with permission and public domain issues. I probably will suck it up and try to contact the literary agency in Spain that has the rights to Neruda's work....because unless I stumble across something that blows me away this weekend, I'm going to want to set something of his.

On another note, I also worked on another idea that is so delicate that it's easy to talk it into nothingness. That is a struggle for me with this blog - it's helpful for me to communicate and chart my progress, but there are always things that need time and silence to grow. I find it easier to do a historical record of what I did in a day or put questions out into the world when I'm stuck than giving too many words to something as ephemeral as a musical gesture, a flicker of emotion.

To curiosity and choices!
~megan

No business with what is little

2006-01-13T22:16:00.000-08:00

A discussion between Thea Kronborg and her piano teacher, Mr. Harsanyi, from Willa Cather's "Song of a Lark":

"You will have work enough. But sometimes you will need to be understood; what you never show to any one will need companionship. And then you must come to me." He peered into her face with that searching, intimate glance. "You know what I mean, the thing in you that has no business with what is little, that will have to do only with beauty and power."

Thea threw out her hands fiercely, as if to push him away. She made a sound in her throat, but it was not articulate. Harsanyi took one of her hands and kissed it lightly upon the back. His salute was one of greeting, not of farewell, and it was for someone he had never seen."

p. 183

Wild Geese

2006-01-13T14:49:00.000-08:00

You do not have to be good.
You do not have to walk on your knees
for a hundred miles through the desert, repenting.
You only have to let the soft animal of your body love what it loves.
Tell me about despair, yours, and I will tell you mine.
Meanwhile the world goes on.
Meanwhile the sun and the clear pebbles of the rain
are moving across the landscapes,
over the prairies and deep trees,
the mountains and the rivers.
Meanwhile the wild geese, high in the clean blue air
are heading home again.
Whoever you are, no matter how lonely,
the world offers itself to your imagination,
calls to you like the wild geese, harsh and exciting--
over and over announcing your place
in the family of things.

MARY OLIVER
Dream Work

Construction Zone

2006-01-13T10:34:00.000-08:00

If opportunity doesn't knock, build a door.

Milton Berle

Tears flow into a river of Strength

2006-01-12T18:47:00.000-08:00

I had plans to travel to Colorado this weekend to visit my sister and attend a conducting symposium. As I was making preparations for the trip, I realized that my keys were gone. Poof.

Pretty hard to drive to Colorado with no keys.

I spent today completing the rest of my pre-trip tasks while clinging to a hope that I would actually be able to make the trip happen. I also knew I was shirking responsibilities at work, projects that really need to be finished before I left, but I just wanted to get on the road (I borrowed my roommate's car so I could even get to KC to finish a few things at work).

As I was driving back to Lawrence, I started weeping.

Weeping for the trip that was evaporating before my eyes, for not being able to see my sister, for not being able to see Eric Whitacre, for not being able to do something I felt I needed to do. Weeping to weep. To release.

The weeping continued when I got home. I didn't want to frantically rummage through my house, and I decided to go lie down and maybe something would come to me.

I drifted in and out of sleep for a couple hours (?) and happened to turn over on to my stomach...the keys were under my pillow. Not surprising considering I often throw my coat and keys on my bed, but the karmic toothfairy effect did not escape my attention.

By that time, it was almost 5 PM and I knew I wouldn't be able to drive the 9 hours to Colorado. I also knew that I would spend Friday at the Foundation, finishing what I knew needed attention. Danielle (my sister) and I decided that it wasn't worth it for me to drive up on Saturday, and that we would see each other in a few weeks at Paradise Lost in Chicago. Trip officially cancelled.

This experience feels a lot like about a month ago when I couldn't drive to South Dakota for Mr. Tessier's funeral (bad roads). Even though it wasn't really what I wanted, I felt guided in my exhaustion to where I needed to be. That's why crying can be so wonderful. It's easy to be guided once the tears have broken through the emotional shield. Much easier to be sensitive to the gentle way of Life.

And, much easier to tap the strength to begin again. Tonight I had gentle and quiet evening of organizing my musical ideas. Of revisiting and moving forward.

Since I wanted so much to travel today, this is the perfect quote for my restless spirit:

"People travel to wonder at the height of mountains, at the huge waves of the sea, at the long courses of rivers, at the vast compass of the ocean, at the circular motion of the stars; and they pass by themselves without wondering." -St. Augustine

Let the wondering begin.

~megan

Expansive only in explosions

2006-01-11T11:53:00.000-08:00

From Willa Cather's, "Song of a Lark":

Ottenberg was watching her brilliant eyes and her face. She was much
handsomer than she had been early in the evening. Excitement of this
sort enriched her. It was only under such excitement, he reflected,
that she was entirely illuminated, or wholly present. At other times
there was something a little cold and empty, like a big room with no
people in it. Even in her most genial moods there was a shadow of
restlessness, as if she were waiting for something and were exercising
the virtue of patience. During dinner she had been as kind as she knew
how to be, to him and to Archie, and had given them as much of herself
as she could. But, clearly, she knew only one way of being really
kind, from the core of her heart out; and there was but one way in
which she could give herself to people largely and gladly,
spontaneously. Even as a girl she had been at her best in vigorous
effort, he remembered; physical effort, when there was no other kind
at hand. She could be expansive only in explosions. Old Nathanmeyer
had seen it. In ther very first song Fred had ever heard her sing, she
had unconsciously declared it.

p. 373

Flavor of Paradise Lost: Opera Electronica

2006-01-08T21:55:00.000-08:00

If you like what you heard of Eric Whitacre's Paradise Lost: Opera Electronica, you might like this (I do!):

http://www.conjureone.net/media/videos/Delerium-Aria.mpg

Comment from Eric Whitacre's myspace page

2006-01-08T21:48:00.000-08:00

"you are sex. in a score."

that made me smile. :)

www.myspace.com/ericwhitacre

Vision of the Venture

2006-01-08T18:33:00.000-08:00

Before I articulate the vision of this entrepreneurial venture, I'll lay out a brief statement of how I see my role in this huge world. It's something I came up with at a vocational seminar two years ago, and it still holds well:

"I guide and connect people in experiencing and expressing joy, beauty, creativity, and community."

There are many ways to carry out that mission, and I have chosen music composition (or it chose me) as the way to guide and connect people.

Therefore, the vision is as follows....

________________________________________________________________

Exploding Tulip Productions will be the entity primarily responsible for managing complete music catalog of Megan Storm. The music products will include stunningly beautiful and exciting works for choir, symphonic winds, and (if the market still exists) full orchestra. In addition to concert works, Exploding Tulip Productions will own the intellectual property developed in other relationships such as film scores and music developed for the game industry. The company will also manage the arrangements for guest conductor, clinician, and festival appearances at the national and international level for Ms. Storm. As the company reaches financial and artistic maturity, it will manage the creation of a series of theatrical works in the genre of opera electronica.

The specific functions of the company include:
* Providing physical and educational support necessary to maintain optimal production of exquisite music
* Managing production and distribution of physical products (sheet music, CD production) by forming alliances
* Development and maintenance the website and other marketing campaigns
* Managing commissions
* Developing collaborative artistic relationships
* Negotiating arrangements for clinics, lectures, and festival appearances (internationally)
* Managing intellectual property issues
* Collecting the checks ;)

The company will rely heavily on strong alliances and entrepreneurial ingenuity to manage all aspects of the venture.

________________________________________________________________

Wow, sounds like something I want to be a part of. ;)

~m

Artistic Entrepreneurship and Technology

2006-01-08T18:28:00.000-08:00

As a part of my work with the Kauffman Foundation, I'm testing a distance learning version of Dr. Elliot McGucken's Artistic Entrepreneurship and Technology course at UNC-Chapel Hill (www.artsentrepreneurship.com). Check out the link! It's great!!

Blogging is a big part of the course, and I will use this blog for that course as well as my composition reports.

It all overlaps and intersects anyway. :)

~m

Exploding Tulip Image!!

2006-01-08T18:22:00.000-08:00

I am now in possession of a gorgeous representation of guess what...an exploding tulip!!

The image (actual title "Tulip Fling") is a scanograph created by a Lawrence area artist (Bill Bowerman) and purchased at Fields Gallery. Even better - he will be at the Fields Gallery during the Lawrence Downtown Gallery Walk on January 27th! I hope to meet him to see if he will let me use the image for my website.

YAY!!

~m

Worth the fight

2006-01-06T09:18:00.000-08:00

"How much can you know about yourself if you've never been in a fight? I don't wanna die without any scars."

Tyler Durden, Fight Club by Chuck Palahniuk

Here's to quick answers!

2006-01-02T11:27:00.000-08:00

In response to my "listening" from the January 1st post...I found out that the KU Choral Society (KUCS) is having their 2nd Annual Choral Composition Contest....first place gets a performance in the spring.

Minor adjustments necessary. Easily do-able by the February 1st deadline.

Wheeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeee!

Here's to FAILING!!

2006-01-02T09:47:00.000-08:00

"Creativity is a consequence of sheer productivity. If a creator wants to increase the production of hits, he or she must do it by risking a parallel increase in the production of misses...The most successful creators tend to be those with the most failures!"
- Dean Keith Simonton, researcher, summarizing academic studies on individual creativity

Cheers to a New Year!

2006-01-01T21:13:00.000-08:00

Hello all!

Hope you have had a chance to reflect upon and celebrate 2005! I was able to enjoy great solace, comfort, and warmth with family over the break before returning to Lawrence, and I'm really grateful for that time.

Today I sifted through the many beginnings of projects and decided to revisit the piece that has been done (or at least ready for the next step) since I wrote it in 3 days in July. I didn't have much to fix.

The text comes from young poet, Ekiwah Belendez, and is written for SSAATTBB Chorus, a cappella. Here is the text:

The beautiful things I have loved
Like old tired men
Wait for their turn to come back,
To be children again
Passing by unnoticed, naked on the beach

So now what? I'm not entirely sure. I'm listening.

This post is pretty brief because I don't really want to type (or rehash) my whole thought process associated with this piece. There are definitely times to "trust the silences" as Eric Whitacre says. The whole point is...I have brought this piece out of it's "locked drawer" and I'll know where to take it when I need to.

Sweet dreams,
Megan

The immeasurable yearning of all flat lands

2005-12-24T12:18:00.000-08:00

As I'm at home immersing myself in what is most essential, this passage from Willa Cather's "Song of a Lark" spoke to me. Thea Kronborg, the young female protagonist and aspiring musician, is attending her first performance of Dvorak's famous Symphony No. 9 "From the New World".
Peace and blessings to you and your families,
Megan

"When the first movement ended, Thea's hands and feet were cold as ice. She was too much excited to know anything except that she wanted something desperately, and when the English horns gave out the theme of the Largo, she knew that what she wanted was exactly that. Here were the sand hills, the grasshoppers and locusts, all the things that wakened and chirped in the early morning; the reaching and reaching of high plains, the immeasurable yearning of all flat lands. There was home in it, too; first memories, first mornings long ago; the amazement of a new soul in a new world; a soul new and yet old that had dreamed something despairing, something glorious, in the dark before it was born; a soul obsessed by what it did not know, under the cloud of a past it could not recall."

Song of a Lark
Willa Cather
173

Exploring my emotional landscape

2005-12-21T00:21:00.000-08:00

Hello all! I hope you are enjoying your Christmas preparations as much as I am. It's truly been a joy to prepare gifts for my loved ones this year.

Moving into this vocation will affect how I handle the wide array of emotions I experience. When I feel huge surges of emotion, I usually talk to friends or exercise to disperse this energy, but now I can feel myself turning inward and focusing...imagine a cluster of rambunctious particles that begin to condense into a laser (my apologies to the true physicists in the crowd).

I still think that exercise, the physical movement, will be a huge component of my process because I need that time to coalesce my energy. But now, I'm creating a space for that energy, giving it direction.

In my "free playing" on my keyboard tonight, that looked like a movement from my home key of D minor to the key of F major and the Bb major, keys I usually don't explore in this improvisational space.

I'm still terrifically impatient with the fact that I don't really have work space set-up (for example, the key screws for my keyboard stand are MIA and it's currently sitting on my desk, which is supposed to be writing space). It's ok. Now is a time for reflection and celebration, so I will celebrate that slowly but surely, I'm creating new patterns conducive to a creative lifestyle.

It's all good news. :)

In celebration!
Megan

"And still i rise..."

2005-12-14T06:01:00.000-08:00

Just in case you were wondering: yes, I'm still alive.

One of my favorite teachers from high school was killed in a car accident last weekend, and I have been retreating into both silence and activity. His funeral is today and because of inclement weather, I will not drive to South Dakota to attend.

There is a lot working, shifting, and incubating for me emotionally. My energy is there. Writing, at this point, would be exhausting.

Instead of daily blogging, I've been posting every 5 days. That might be the way it is until after the holidays. Who knows.

Warm and safe and happy holidays to all of you.

All my love,
megan

A branch from the garden of my memory

2005-12-09T21:06:00.000-08:00

Yay!
One grad school visit later, I return to posting. The piece that has been on my heart since yesterday is what I think will be the second of a triptych of a capella choral works. The first piece burst from me over 3 days in July, and I've been sitting on it since then.

I started the second piece while I was temporarily living in Overland Park. Unfortunately, most of my possessions are still in boxes, and I have yet to find the revised version. All I have is a rough, early version, which is enough to begin resurrecting the piece from the garden of my memory. When I played through it, there were chords that I had "already fixed" or shaped and melodies I had already developed. Not to wax philosophical, but maybe that's like so many aspects of life. There is a need to revisit aspects that we thought we smoothed out that are still rough and jagged.

My space and systems are still NOT conducive to optimal productivity, which is enough to make me pull my hair out at times!!! I have so many good things that are in haphazardly arranged in piles and scribbled on scraps of paper. AH!
It might not be flowing smoothly until February (hopefully not though).

On to more interesting topics - here is the poem for piece number 2. I will most likely adapt the text. There is also a gamble here: hopefully the estate of Pablo Neruda will allow me to use this poem. Through a series of email conversations, I have the contact information for people in Spain who can supposedly give me permission. There isn't an email address though. Ugh. So, once I set this beauty, I'll worry about letters and international phone calls. This piece is not just an exercise for me (I want it to live!), but in this case, I think writing the music and then worrying about intellectual property permission is the way to go.

Enjoy!
~megs

The Stolen Branch
By Pablo Neruda

In the night we shall go in
to steal
a flowering branch

We shall climb over the wall
in the darkness of the alien garden,
two shadows in the shadow.

Winter is not yet gone,
and the apple tree appears
suddenly changed
into a cascade of fragrant stars.

In the night we shall go in
up to its trembling firmament,
and your little hands and mine
will steal the stars.

And silently,
to our house,
in the night and the shadow,
with your steps will enter
perfume's silent step
and with starry feet
the clear body of spring.

A painting with a title inspired by the poem.
http://www.artatease.com/Paintings/Blowups/Paintings_AFloweringBranch.htm

Getting back on the horse

2005-12-04T21:07:00.000-08:00

Hello dears.

Well, after preparations and a trip to Portland, I have been relatively unproductive (as evidenced by my lack of posting). I'm also visiting a grad school on Wednesday and Thursday (Carnegie Mellon University's Entertainment Technology Center - awesome!). Two full days and then another flight. Sweet.

So, the whole point is, I'm still alive, and I'll still keep posting.

As always, I think I will be infinitely more productive when all the conditions, time, environment, etc. of my life are settled (does this ever happen?); however, I was once given the very sage advice that "unsettled is a very creative space." Perhaps the creativity comes out of chaos. If that's the case, I'll take the current configuration as a gift. :)

Anyway, on the practical level, I can get a lot of stuff written out on paper and use my downtime in airports and on planes to enter it into Finale. Oh the day when I just send it off to the professional copyist when I'm done.....*sigh of longing*.

It might be time to re-read The Creative Habit by Twyla Thwarp (choreographer extraordinaire). There was some good stuff in there. My creative systems are still in the process of development.

Oh, and while I was talking to my Dad in Portland, I figured out how I'm going to organize my on-going creative elements (sheets of music, sketches, lyrics scribbled on napkins, poems, inspiring quotes and images, etc.). This is something I've been pondering for quite awhile. Solution: I'm going to put them in the clear plastic file envelopes that are sealed by a string that wraps around two circles (ya follow me?). All the functionality of a file without the spilling, clear, cheap, able to hold small objects, reusable. Great. :)

Isn't it fun when the solutions just happen? I guess I was working on more things than I thought. ;)

G'night all,
~m

"my love"

2005-11-29T21:09:00.000-08:00

Scratched out the melody for "my love" (see lyrics below). I might play with the meter and how I notate the rhythms once I get it all set. It's a fluid, sultry jazz song not a band march...it's frustrating to force it into the rigid confines of musical notation. That's why it's work, my friends. At least I have the melody for each verse blocked sufficiently for now.

The piano accompaniment will be pretty fun. I woke up with the idea to use some chords from Rachmaninoff's Prelude in C# minor, but by the time I woke up, showered, and photocopied the music from the music library, I couldn't remember exactly what my brilliant idea had been. Maybe it will come back to me.

One of the verses (my love will draw you...) isn't sitting very well with me. It sounds all right when I sing it, but hopefully I can find a better way to get across the point of that verse.

Ta ta. I'm beat. Time for bed.
megs

Quotes - a rare indulgence

2005-11-29T00:20:00.000-08:00

If you read my blog prior to this new incarnation, you would notice that most of the posts are quotes. I adore quotes. That being said, I don't want my indiscriminate quote posting to overtake the new purpose of this blog. However, these quotes have found me through the wonderful chain of friends and love at just the right time.
I hope you enjoy them.
megs

Journeys By Heart: A Christology of Erotic Power
by Rita Nakashima Brock

"[. . .] those who have experienced oppression know how to touch hearts
broken in similar fashion. The exorcisms are not described as being
conducted by someone empowered by ruling authorities. The image of Jesus
as exorcist is someone who has experienced his own demons.
Thereupon the Spirit sent him away into the wilderness, and there he
remained for forty days tempted by Satan. He was among the wild beasts;
and the angels waited on him. {New English Bible, Mark 1:12-13}
The temptation stories point to the image of a wounded healer, to an image
of one who by his own experience understands vulnerability and
internalized oppression. In having recovered their own hearts, healers
have some understanding of the suffering of others. [. . .] helping
another sufferer name demons is a reenactment of our own search for heart.
We journey with another on a familiar road that leads into the
territories of erotic power. [. . .] To heal is to be capable of
relationships of erotic power because we have faced our own pain and
despair. We are empowered not to be fainthearted in the face of pain
because we remember brokenheartedness. [. . .] Remembering opens resources
for erotic power through our ability to see through brokenheartedness."

NOTE: Brock defines "brokenheartedness" as a metaphor for both political
oppression/sickness and the damage to the self from complex forms of
destruction in our culture.
"Erotic power" is part of the radical mutuality that is the foundation of
human existence. It is affirmed, created, and recreated in human
existence by heart. It is the source of energy for human selves that
compels us to search for the whole of life.

--
Fall down seven times,
Stand up eight.
--Japanese Proverb

Punch Drunk

2005-11-28T23:10:00.000-08:00

Since it's technically after midnight, I can post for the following day already (I know, any rules about frequency of posting are entirely arbitrary except at least one per day, hence the daily status report nature of this blog. Whatever, i'm being neurotic).

These are the lyrics to the third song I've worked on today. Both of the first two (including the one in the aforementioned post) feel a bit like cleaning out the creative plumbing. There might be hope for the first one still, but that's not where my head is tonight.

My frustration is mounting about my inability to record anything (especially since apparently all I want to write now are rock ballads and jazzy heartbreakers). But for now, my darlings, here are the lyrics. They are much better sung, I must say. Imagine low, jazzy, slightly menacing voice. Jazz piano for color and pulse.

Toodle-loo.
megs

my love would crush your very soul
my love would break you bone by bone
my love would leave you naked and cold
my love would crush your very soul

my love would rake you through the coals
my love would make you wail and moan
my love would leave you all alone
my love would crush your very soul

my love would draw you from your home
my love would lure you smooth and slow
but you'll get burned, this you know
my love would crush your very soul

verse of la, la, scat/vocalising

my love will crush your very soul
my love will break you bone by bone
my love, you want. - and that alone.
my love will crush your very soul.

Driving lyrics resurface

2005-11-28T20:18:00.000-08:00

I decided to start on the solo with piano as my first project. (Tim Hausmann, if for some reason you're reading this, stop now!!).

I'm writing this for my dear friend Tim Hausmann as a Christmas present. The lyrics I set today first happened while I was driving home for Thanksgiving Break. I started with a word map to give myself a direction and some of the lyrics came back to me (I didn't have the scrap of paper from the car with the original lyrics). The song right now looks like the scene of departure, where the hero leaves his family to pursue his destiny. I think I will have to re-write it in a lower key, but I'm currently writing it as it is coming out.

Today I scratched out the melody for about 15 measures, and I stumbled on a pretty cool piano riff. Much to my frustration, I don't have a setup where I can record what I play on the keyboard in real-time. I got the main gist of it down, but I lost a lot of the improvisational momentum in the notation process.

On another note, my first collaborative musical endeavor involved Tim Hausmann. For one song, I wrote the lyrics and he made it into an amazing jazzy song. I can only remember part of the song (it was in high school, and I will post the lyrics later). He did this as a surprise, and I was absolutely ecstatic.

On a final note, this blogging of my progress is well...an emotional mixed bag. I think Immi is right though. My focus gets a lot sharper knowing that someone out there could be reading this and seeing if I'm actually doing something...especially since I put the link on my facebook profile for any random person to see!

Feel free to comment. I will see if it's possible to post clips or other media paraphenalia (when I have something to post).

Peace and love,
megs

New purpose of this blog

2005-11-27T20:37:00.000-08:00

Hello all!

I have been inspired by the resplendent Imogen Heap to blog my daily composition activities. That's right. You can see my progress as I tumble head first toward this dream of being a professional composer.

Imogen Heap had a pretty concrete goal: write and produce her second album.

I don't have something that nicely packaged, but I do have the following goals to start:

Composition and performance of:
Solo work for voice and piano
Choral piece
Wind ensemble piece (by April, to enter in the Tokyo Kosei Wind Orchestra's competition).

Both Eric Whitacre and Imogen Heap are inspiring me with their classical meets electronica wonders. Currently, I don't have a specific goal or the mad tech jewels (aka Apple G5) to launch into that. I'll have a clearer sense once I get started.

Also, Imogen wanted to be a film composer!!! How frickin' cool! I'm not ready for that right now, but I would LOVE to someday.

Word. Welcome to my world. :)

Meggie

2005-11-24T10:56:00.000-08:00

Danielle hang

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Paradise Lost tickets on sale November 28th.

2005-11-21T10:55:00.000-08:00

Talk to me asap if you want to go! The website said the tickets would be between $2-$30 for events in their hall. I'm guessing $30.

A concert version of the groundbreaking work featuring soloists, orchestra, chorus and electronica. Eric Whitacre will conduct, and will meet the audience in a Q&A session following the performances.Feb. 11 and 12, 2006, 7:30 P.M. In the Pick-Staiger concert hall on the campus of Northwestern University.Tickets available Nov. 28, 2005 at www.pickstaiger.com, or call (847) 467-4000.

anger

2005-11-18T12:04:00.000-08:00

Of the Seven Deadly Sins, anger is possibly the most fun. To lick your wounds, to smack your lips over grievances long past, to roll over your tongue the prospect of bitter confrontations still to come, to savor to the last toothsome morsel both the pain you are given and the pain you are giving back--in many ways it is a feast fit for a king. The chief drawback is that what you are wolfing down is yourself. The skeleton at the feast is you.
Frederick Buechner

Cathedral of Learning

2005-11-17T11:11:00.000-08:00

Brad Feld always has cool things on his blog, and this is one of my favorites. I agree with him - every university should have its own "Cathedral of Learning"!

The Cathedral of Learning is the centerpiece of the University of Pittsburgh's main campus in the Oakland neighborhood of Pittsburgh, Pennsylvania. Standing at 535 feet (>163 m), the forty-two story tall Cathedral is the second tallest educational building in the world (the tallest is the main building at Moscow State University in Russia). The Cathedral was commissioned in 1921 and finished in 1937, and has 2,529 windows. As an impressive scenic building, the Cathedral of Learning is often used by the University in photographs, postcards, and other advertisements.

The Cathedral is home to 26 nationality rooms (twenty-four working classrooms and two display rooms), on the first and third floors. Each nationality room is designed to celebrate a different culture that had an influence on Pittsburgh's growth. There are currently seven rooms in the process of being approved and funded. Virtual Tours of the existing rooms are available on the Nationality Rooms official site.

Paradise Lost in Chicago!!!!

2005-11-01T07:37:00.000-08:00

It's finally here!!!!!

Eric Whitacre will be presenting Paradise Lost: Opera Electronica at Northwestern University on February 11-12. It will be presented concert-style with 10 soloists, a 16 voice chorus, a 21 piece orchestra, and Eric conducting from behind a bank of computers.

Now, since I've waxed exuberant about Eric Whitacre for months, some of you must be intrigued. If anyone is remotely interested in attending, let me know. I'm already looking for cheap plane tickets to Chicago, and I would like to send an email out to anyone who is interested when I find them. It can be a big February party in Chicago for as few or as many people who want to go.

More details soon....

Tell me...

2005-10-31T07:59:00.000-08:00

Tell me, what is it you plan to do
With your one wild and precious life?

Mary Oliver

Gazelles win State Cross Country

2005-10-25T18:19:00.000-07:00

Boys and girls swept state cross country. That's my lil baby sis!!

http://www.yankton.net/stories/102505/sports_20051025025.shtml